Ask Love Coach

Q. Sara asks:

I’m a single 25 year old looking for love. I’ve been burnt badly before, especially by getting my hopes up that a close friendship could turn into something more, so I’ve vowed never to get involved with a mixed signal kind of guy again, and instead go for people who directly say they’re interested in dating.

My problem is that I’ve been getting closer to a guy friend I’ve known for a long time, and I can’t help having some feelings for him. I’m afraid to get any closer because frankly I cannot stand the thought of another heartbreak, but at the same time I don’t want to put the damper on our correspondence in case I unknowingly close the door on what could be the best relationship I’ve ever had.

What should I do?

A. Love Coach Rinatta answers:

Hi Sara, no easy answers here to your difficult question, but with a bit of work you can get clear about where this relationship is headed or what you want to do with it.

First get clear on whether he is the right person for you - whether he is compatible with you in the right ways that will prevent more heartbreak for you.

To evaluate whether he is the right person for you or not, get my Whom Are You Dating eCourse. Not only will you learn if this guy friend is right for you, but also who will be right for you and how to recognize that person. You can read the full description of the course here.

Second, you need to get clear on how he views your relationship. To get clear on how the views the relationship, you will need to ask him. However, guys do not respond well to being put on the spot, so you will have to find an easy breezy way of asking him just where his head is at. If you would like to get some coaching on how to have that sort of conversation, I will be glad to work with you on that in a ProblemSolver coaching session. More information on ProblemSolver session is here.

From The Heart,
Love Coach Rinatta

My turn to ask you a question, dear reader. Please leave your answer in the comments below.

What would you like to know MOST about how to - attract a new or re-mold the old - relationship you have always wanted?

Thanks for your thoughts!

Q. Carey asks:

Hi! I am 33 and have been dating what seems to be a very insecure guy who is a bit younger than me. He is very jealous, and is always accusing me of wanting to break up with him or of having another man. I thought maybe he was trying to tell me that HE indeed wanted to break up, but when I confronted him, he said he never wanted to break up with me. I am a little tired of all of it, but I really do like this guy. Can you give me any advice on how to stop this game he plays? Thank you

A. Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:

Carey, your guy has one of two things going on. Either he is very insecure indeed and is asking for reassurance, or he is trying to build up his selfesteem by demanding that you declare your faithfulness and affection for him on a regular basis.

To find out which one of these two things is going on, take a look at the rest of his life. If he is timid and hesitant, needing lots of reassurance in general, then he really is just insecure. Insecurity is annoying to deal with, but there are worst things, and it can get better with time and some help.

On the other hand, if he seems more self-centered and selfish in the rest of his life, then he is using you to build up or keep up his selfesteem. This is more problematic, but it can still be dealt with effectively.
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