Comments on: Did I cause him to break up with me? http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/ Expert answers to your love and relationship questions from Love and Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries. Thu, 28 Aug 2008 10:43:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: katie http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-40 katie Tue, 02 Oct 2007 00:31:02 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-40 Denise.. this is what I call "the Good Guy Syndrome" it's when a man wants to break things off with you...But doesnt have the Class to do so!...So he will become distant and make excuses to manipulate the situation.. all in the hopes you get angry & frustrated with his behavior and You break things off with him, So he can walk away and still maintain his "Good Guy" image. been there done that.. Smarter Now! Denise.. this is what I call “the Good Guy Syndrome” it’s when a man wants to break things off with you…But doesnt have the Class to do so!…So he will become distant and make excuses to manipulate the situation.. all in the hopes you get angry & frustrated with his behavior and You break things off with him, So he can walk away and still maintain his “Good Guy” image. been there done that.. Smarter Now!

]]> By: kare http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-56 kare Mon, 09 Jul 2007 03:38:47 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-56 I am here reading because the man I am dating (long distance) after every visit becomes distant. Although he does not see it..I sure do. We have wonderful visits together and when it's time to leave for at least a week or two the communication becomes very little. Then slowly he starts coming back around and the communication picks up again. I'm not sure what causes this on his part. He claims that his feelings for me never change and that he misses me after I leave and that it makes him more lonely and he needs time to adjust to getting back to reality. I can kind of understand that to a degree but you would think it would cause him to have the desire to keep contact instead of becoming distant. Or am I making too much out of this? I am here reading because the man I am dating (long distance) after every visit becomes distant. Although he does not see it..I sure do. We have wonderful visits together and when it’s time to leave for at least a week or two the communication becomes very little. Then slowly he starts coming back around and the communication picks up again. I’m not sure what causes this on his part. He claims that his feelings for me never change and that he misses me after I leave and that it makes him more lonely and he needs time to adjust to getting back to reality. I can kind of understand that to a degree but you would think it would cause him to have the desire to keep contact instead of becoming distant. Or am I making too much out of this?

]]> By: Karen http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-35 Karen Wed, 24 May 2006 14:46:47 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-35 Mt ex-boyfriend broke up with me after 5 months of going out. He did all the chasing and calling etc for the first 3 months, then we had an arugument cos he said i never paid for anything but then i apologised after that it all went down hill and he became distant. He even went on another date but said nothing happened. So i told him that either were going out or we're not i wanted to break up there and then but he convinced me that he wanted to be with me. Then about a week or two later he breaks up with me why? Sometimes i feel guilty cos when he was trying to be my boyfriend and tell me how he felt i would brush him off and told him it was just lust and i never used to call him. But I did when he was becoming distant but i drove him away somehow. Mt ex-boyfriend broke up with me after 5 months of going out. He did all the chasing and calling etc for the first 3 months, then we had an arugument cos he said i never paid for anything but then i apologised after that it all went down hill and he became distant. He even went on another date but said nothing happened. So i told him that either were going out or we’re not i wanted to break up there and then but he convinced me that he wanted to be with me. Then about a week or two later he breaks up with me why? Sometimes i feel guilty cos when he was trying to be my boyfriend and tell me how he felt i would brush him off and told him it was just lust and i never used to call him. But I did when he was becoming distant but i drove him away somehow.

]]> By: wendy http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-34 wendy Fri, 06 Jan 2006 17:33:22 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-34 What do you make of a man who speaks constantly of future and asks unending questions of a woman about marriage ect then disappears and refusing to even speak to her when in same room? He is the one who always brought up future not me and then has not officially broke up, just fell off the earth? Hes not a child he is 54 and i have never had this happen before. What do you make of a man who speaks constantly of future and asks unending questions of a woman about marriage ect then disappears and refusing to even speak to her when in same room? He is the one who always brought up future not me and then has not officially broke up, just fell off the earth? Hes not a child he is 54 and i have never had this happen before.

]]> By: Snowfall42 http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-33 Snowfall42 Tue, 13 Dec 2005 05:25:39 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-33 I understand the urgent need to "know why" someone you love is distancing themselves because I have experienced it first hand. What I thought at the time was the "love of my life" distanced me without telling me why and gave many excuses about needing space and time for himself and his child which later I found had nothing to do with it. I must whole heartedly agree with Brie that all you really need to know is that he just does not want to be with you!! (and perhaps you really DONT want to know why!) Concentrate on your own happiness and find someone who DOES want to be with you. Keep your head high! It is that simple. In my case, all the signs coach Rinatta describes were there. I suspected he might be seeing someone but he would not admit to it...not yet anyway because he was not sure of the new interest and wanted me as a "back up" which I discovered later after I had proof. There was no baggage or lack of connection in my case... simply another woman had caught his interest! It was too risky for him to quickly and completely break up with me, yet I knew something had changed. Men will make all kinds of excuses and will rarely admit the truth unless confronted with proof. When there is physical distance in a relationship there must be trust and it hurts when you find out you have been lied to by someone you cared deeply for. You must read the book, "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The book is well written, funny, informative, entertaining and I bet every woman that has ever been jilted will see herself in one or more of the scenarios written. You will also see examples of women with lower self esteem than even you who think men are more complicated than they are but are really "just not into you". The uplifting and healthy messages are so clear in this book you don't need a Phd to understand. Highly recommended! I understand the urgent need to “know why” someone you love is distancing themselves because I have experienced it first hand. What I thought at the time was the “love of my life” distanced me without telling me why and gave many excuses about needing space and time for himself and his child which later I found had nothing to do with it.

I must whole heartedly agree with Brie that all you really need to know is that he just does not want to be with you!! (and perhaps you really DONT want to know why!) Concentrate on your own happiness and find someone who DOES want to be with you. Keep your head high! It is that simple. In my case, all the signs coach Rinatta describes were there. I suspected he might be seeing someone but he would not admit to it…not yet anyway because he was not sure of the new interest and wanted me as a “back up” which I discovered later after I had proof. There was no baggage or lack of connection in my case… simply another woman had caught his interest! It was too risky for him to quickly and completely break up with me, yet I knew something had changed. Men will make all kinds of excuses and will rarely admit the truth unless confronted with proof. When there is physical distance in a relationship there must be trust and it hurts when you find out you have been lied to by someone you cared deeply for.

You must read the book, “He’s just not that into you” by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo. The book is well written, funny, informative, entertaining and I bet every woman that has ever been jilted will see herself in one or more of the scenarios written. You will also see examples of women with lower self esteem than even you who think men are more complicated than they are but are really “just not into you”. The uplifting and healthy messages are so clear in this book you don’t need a Phd to understand. Highly recommended!

]]> By: MsTery9 http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-32 MsTery9 Tue, 15 Nov 2005 01:08:27 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-32 I can understand the needing to know why (re break-up) its necessary as without the words actually said there is a tendency to blame oneself and keep thinking was it this was it that? Its a dreadful feeling and one I am going though at this very moment. You feel if you just knew the reason it would make you feel better. I don't know if it would, as I cant believe the answer I have been given "we couldnt sort our differences" I still want yet another answer! I can understand the needing to know why (re break-up) its necessary as without the words actually said there is a tendency to blame oneself and keep thinking was it this was it that? Its a dreadful feeling and one I am going though at this very moment. You feel if you just knew the reason it would make you feel better. I don’t know if it would, as I cant believe the answer I have been given “we couldnt sort our differences” I still want yet another answer!

]]> By: Brie http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-31 Brie Sun, 13 Nov 2005 20:34:52 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-31 I have found that when a man distanced himself from you that is all you need to know. Why ask why??? The fact that he removed himself from you tells you he doesn't want to be with you and as a counselor has told my friend when they were going through a divorce..why do you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you...says it all for me. Let these men go...and my motto is NEXT...you will find the man who wants to be with you without excuses...I am single and looking for that confident man who wants a relationship and is tired of the "grass is greener" syndrome.... Be confident girl!!! I have found that when a man distanced himself from you that is all you need to know. Why ask why??? The fact that he removed himself from you tells you he doesn’t want to be with you and as a counselor has told my friend when they were going through a divorce..why do you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you…says it all for me. Let these men go…and my motto is NEXT…you will find the man who wants to be with you without excuses…I am single and looking for that confident man who wants a relationship and is tired of the “grass is greener” syndrome….

Be confident girl!!!

]]> By: nick http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-30 nick Tue, 08 Nov 2005 06:13:54 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-30 After 3.5 years together my girlfriend and I broke up due to my failure to give her the commitment she wanted. I miss her and would do anything to win her back. How do I do it. After 3.5 years together my girlfriend and I broke up due to my failure to give her the commitment she wanted. I miss her and would do anything to win her back. How do I do it.

]]> By: Love Coach Rinatta Paries http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-29 Love Coach Rinatta Paries Wed, 12 Oct 2005 18:23:12 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-29 Eva some people just can't or don't know how to talk about their emotions. They may not know this is a problem, may not see it as a problem, may think this is normal. But you and I both know it's not, nor is it healthy. In fact, that's probably how you got the idea that you were not what he wanted - his lack of communication. I would expect a whole of the same form him - lack of communication. Why not put your energy into someone else, who can communicate? You just need to find a person who actually can communicate, naturally. Check out the Whom Are You Dating ecourse to learn how: http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/whomdating.html Eva
some people just can’t or don’t know how to talk about their emotions. They may not know this is a problem, may not see it as a problem, may think this is normal. But you and I both know it’s not, nor is it healthy.

In fact, that’s probably how you got the idea that you were not what he wanted - his lack of communication.

I would expect a whole of the same form him - lack of communication. Why not put your energy into someone else, who can communicate? You just need to find a person who actually can communicate, naturally. Check out the Whom Are You Dating ecourse to learn how: http://www.whatittakes.com/classes/whomdating.html

]]> By: Karen http://www.asklovecoach.com/didicausethebreakup/#comment-28 Karen Wed, 12 Oct 2005 17:42:11 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=8#comment-28 Yes of course, the behavour Rinatta says is a good guide to know if someone wants to break up with you. I also lived that, my ex was away, not celebrating our important dates, avoiding intimacy, making excuses, being busy..everytime I tried to talk about what was happening he used to get mad and avoid communication. So one night I got really mad because I was waiting for him and when I called him he was sleeping! so I broke up with him by phone! I was really mad...he never called back again even after all we lived together, of course I did, just to ask him to see us to have a nice end as friends..he said he would call me..but he never did. Yes of course, the behavour Rinatta says is a good guide to know if someone wants to break up with you. I also lived that, my ex was away, not celebrating our important dates, avoiding intimacy, making excuses, being busy..everytime I tried to talk about what was happening he used to get mad and avoid communication. So one night I got really mad because I was waiting for him and when I called him he was sleeping! so I broke up with him by phone! I was really mad…he never called back again even after all we lived together, of course I did, just to ask him to see us to have a nice end as friends..he said he would call me..but he never did.

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