Q: Susan asks:
I have been dating a man for the past 4 months. We are both in our mid 40’s and he has never been married, I am divorced with three school age children. He calls me at least 4 times a day, yet won’t commit to even an exclusive relationship. It hurts me because a few nights he doesn’t call signals to me that he is likely on a date. When he calls on the phone, he is much more intimate, and affectionate than in person. he also makes comments as if we have a future, yet again, he will not commit. I continue to casually date others, but I am afraid I am falling for this man and am going to get burned. What do I do?
A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:
Susan, you are headed for a heartbreak and you know it!
I wish I could reach through the computer and pull you back from the cliff you are headed down.
I know this will sound like a sales pitch, but it is not. I genuinely belive that you need to read one of my eCourses, ASAP, before you loose yourself. I think it might save you, where nothing else will. The ecourse is called How Not to Blow It in a New Relationship.
I very much hope you do this for yourself, your heart and your sanity.
From the Heart,
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
I beleive you should just play it cool - be aloof and do your own thing - 4 months is too short a time for a commitment- so at the moment dont ask him anything dont tell him anything and dont bother to look who else he is dating - give him his space maintain a dignified silence and if you really like him continue dating him but you the time tiy are with him -also date others- just be fun to be with -happy healthy and successful in your your life - make your life the best you can- make it exciting and vibrant -and live your life to the fullest. somthing wonderful may happen as you go about making yourself better and better - who knows maybe you could turn the tables and get him wondering what you are up too and who you are dating.so just detach while still caring about him - stay calm strong and aloof yet loving kind and supportive.
Hi, I will rather listen to Rinatta’s advice. Get out of there before it’s too late. Playing cool is just that: playing. Some people are natural at that. They can stay cool, unemotional, detached. You don’t seem to be like that or in this situation anyway. You need more, some reassurance. As you said yourslef, you are afraid that you are falling for this person. Persoanlly, I find it very difficult to dictate my heart when to fall and to take its time. Detachment can work in a number of situations but it usually has consequences such as innability to fully love again later on…
Susan, you would be wise to work very hard at figuring out just what attracts you to this man; a man who holds a carrot out of a possible future together, when really during those four calls per day (on the days he does call) what he’s taking from you is ENTIRE sum and substance that he needs - attention and admiration — but giving you nothing but false hope, since his affection is curiously different in person. That he hasn’t been married before should also be a red flag; likely, he has intimacy and a host of other issues which make him incompatible with someone like you: a smart, intelligent woman and mother with needs (but unwiling to use people to instantly gratify yourself). A genuine man, capable of caring, and of a genuine relationship, does not send the mixed messages he does. Those messages keep you off balance, cause you to analyze your relationship with him and other mentally perplexing questions you have about him and his potential that deprive you from an open, honest and in-the-present relationship. You deserve better. The next time he goes for days without calling you, tell yourself that you are a loving, and loveable person, and in a healthy relationship (even in its beginning) you deserve a man who will show you care and concern, friendship and honesty — not a hologram (i.e. sometimes there, gushing romanticly and sprinkling his conversation with future-potential inuendos; other times, just gone). If nothing else, remind yourself that when two people meet, they are usually on their best behavior, or supposed to be. If this man treats you this way now, what would he really be like 6 months from now, when people typically let you see the real “them.”? Good luck, and remember, you are special and you deserve better.