Q. Sara asks:
I’m a single 25 year old looking for love. I’ve been burnt badly before, especially by getting my hopes up that a close friendship could turn into something more, so I’ve vowed never to get involved with a mixed signal kind of guy again, and instead go for people who directly say they’re interested in dating.
My problem is that I’ve been getting closer to a guy friend I’ve known for a long time, and I can’t help having some feelings for him. I’m afraid to get any closer because frankly I cannot stand the thought of another heartbreak, but at the same time I don’t want to put the damper on our correspondence in case I unknowingly close the door on what could be the best relationship I’ve ever had.
What should I do?
A. Love Coach Rinatta answers:
Hi Sara, no easy answers here to your difficult question, but with a bit of work you can get clear about where this relationship is headed or what you want to do with it.
First get clear on whether he is the right person for you – whether he is compatible with you in the right ways that will prevent more heartbreak for you.
To evaluate whether he is the right person for you or not, get my Whom Are You Dating eCourse. Not only will you learn if this guy friend is right for you, but also who will be right for you and how to recognize that person.
Second, you need to get clear on how he views your relationship. To get clear on how the views the relationship, you will need to ask him. However, guys do not respond well to being put on the spot, so you will have to find an easy breezy way of asking him just where his head is at.
Would like coaching on how to have that sort of conversation? I will be glad to work with you on that in a ProblemSolver coaching session.
Related Resources: Whom Are You Dating eCourse, ProblemSolver coaching session.
From the Heart,
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Well, me and my fiance’ having been talking for 2 years, he is in prison.He has another year. Well, I knew him when we were young.But we never dated. I wrote him 2 years ago, and our relationship has grown ever since. I love him and he loves me too. But How do I know that he is sincere. He talks about the future with me, tells me he loves me, ask me to marry him.But last year he ask his daughter if it was okay if a old friend that he dated before come see him. He never told me his daughter did, at visitation because I went to visitation and told him I wasnot coming that week. She was there. He lied to me. .This has created doubt about anything that comes out of his mouth, now I am unsure telling the truth or lying. AT visitation he willnot kiss me intimiately. He says he don’t do public affection.. I send him money for the store. We talk on the phone alot I have to pay for, 150 month. I go visit him when I can since I have 3 kids of my own. I have bought his daughter things at christmas, birthday, easter, etc. His mom send money 20 month I think. So I put his needs first always. My concern is could he just be using and telling me what i wanna hear. Because his actions are saying nothing. Can you help me.
well se i dont have the balls to tell my bf that i wont to be with him im lost we tell eachother everytime we talk mind u hes in prison we say i love u and miss u for the frist time yesterday i said it frist his voice sound realy werd like shyness i dont know what to do are tell him i dont wont to look like a ass