How Do I Get Over So Much Hurt?

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Q: Deanna asks:

I’ve been hurt and cheated on so many times, how do I get past that and let someone love me with me loving that someone back?

A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:

Deanna, there is no easy answer to your question, but here is the truthful answer.

First, you need to figure out why you allowed into your life people who would cheat on you and hurt you. Not that it was your fault, but you need to understand why it happened, so that you can prevent it from happening again. I have an eclass I created just for this purpose that you can purchase at my websites – it’s called PatternTracker.

Then you need to learn what a healthy relationship looks like and what a healthy man looks like, so that you can stop putting up with people who can’t give you the love you want. You should learn about healthy relationships and healthy men even if you are already starting to be involved with someone new – you don’t want to get hurt yet again.  I also have created an eCourse to help people recognize what is healthy and find healthy people, and it’s available on my website – it’s called Whom Are You Dating.

Last, you need to let go of the hurt and pain from all of your past relationships, so that you can move unencumbered into the future. There is no course for this yet, but I can teach you how to let go of the past by working with you in individual coaching.

Even you, after being hurt and cheated on so many times, can have a healthy, happy, satisfying relationship. You just need to do some work to get there.

 

From the Heart,
Love Coach Rinatta

Ready to ask your question? Click here to ask me!

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{ 8 comments }

MEL June 4, 2011 at 1:13 am

ITS A MATTER OF NOT BEING CONTENT WITH WHO YOU ARE WITH,WHEN YOUR WITH THE ONE YOU LONG FOR THE OTHER.
YOU MUST REALIZE THAT THE BEST ONE IS THE RIGHT ONE HE IS THE ONE THAT LOVES YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN AND TREAT YOU WITH RESPECT.
YOU WILL NW EVER BE HAPPY WITH THE MAN THAT SHOWS NO LOVE AND TRUE AFFECTION TO YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN.
TRUST YOUR HEART AND NOT GIVE I N TO THE LUST OF THE FLESH.
WHAT GOD PUT TOGETHER LET NO MAN PUT USUNDER.
AMEN?

Jeri October 27, 2010 at 8:10 am

Im Married the father of my kids cause i though i love him, we end up breaking up, but never divorce.. after that i met a man i really end up loving so much and been together for 8 years and had a duaghter.. during our relationship, he treated me like crap and always hurting me… i started thinking of my husband that i left, that never ones hurt me and was always a good father to my kids.. so i pack up my thing and left the 8 years relationship to go back with my husband and i though everything was gonna be perfect, which it was.. but i dont feel like i love my husband at all… i keep thinking about my other man that i been with for 8 years… why do i feel this way and why am i hurting so much for the person that really hurts me and why am i having a hard time loving my husband again….

karen January 18, 2010 at 4:26 am

Hi
I have been dating and living with a guy for close to 4 years. I split with him 6 months ago, due to his infidelity and the fact that he lifted his hand to me.

we are still living in the same place and i realize i still love him. he has met someone however and is at her place most of the time. I cry endlessly at night. He knows how i feel and keeps telling me he loves me and isnt ready to move as he doesn’t know what he wants.

hope November 6, 2008 at 6:37 pm

hi,my heart is still bleeding after a heartbreak, its been 7 months since he broke up with me,and the only reason is that he didnt want to see me waiting cause his in san diego and im in guam,i think long distance relationship didnt work for the two of us. and after we broke up after a month he has already a girlfriend and in my case maybe thats the reason why he did such thing. his like a bestfreind to me cause his the only person who i trusted the most. and we both keep a promise ,that we will wait for each other till the times comes.but the sad part is that he didnt kept that promise because of what he have done, should i keep that promise to him even though he has already someone should i wait for him? and i cant seem to move on cause of that promise and the love,you get what i mean? his happy with his life rightnow and me? im stock in this past that i cant move on. please tell me what to do. should ,i follow my heart or my brain? and do something to get over with him.

anonymous October 1, 2008 at 10:38 am

I really liked this guy for a year, and we went through a lot together. Then I changed schools, so i was able to get over him. Now I like someone else, and have for a while. I won’t be changing schools anymore, so I can’t avoid him. He’s cocky and mean. He’s really not sweet at all. Except sometimes, every once in awhile he’ll show me his soft side. I don’t wanna like him, and I don’t want him because I know he will only cause my heart more pain. And probably end up using me. Since I see him every day, how do i make my heart let go of him?

Anonymous 2 July 8, 2007 at 5:45 pm

Hi there,
I have been with my partner and apart from a few hiccups along the way it has been good until now.
I have never got along with his mum and his parents have seperated and i get along with the dads side of the family just fine, the other day we were talking and he said his mum has made him choose between me and him, that broke my heart, i am lost confused and i cant move on i have devoted most of my life to him, i cant stand the fact of loosing him, we live together but he is living at his mums house at the moment what can i do to get past all this and try to prove to him how we can do it, i have started to drink and it is affecting my life and i feel him slipping away and away, i have tried the silent treatment and that dont work, as his mum is infulencing his decisions, what can i do i cant move on with out him.

shelby November 2, 2006 at 7:13 am

im going thru the same thing but i realized if its meant to be it will be, you cant make someone love you back but you can only wait and hope that if its right it will be. you just have to give it time and the more you are away from that person the more they begin to think. if you chase them you show weakness, and you dont want that, its like letting them see you suffer while they get what they want. let go and wait for the other ones decision, until then there isnt anything else you can do but wait and move on.

anonymous June 20, 2006 at 8:01 pm

how does one get over someone they love or think they love…is there an easy answer or is it based on time and working towardz a better goal or should i just keep getting drunk and hope the thought of the love fades from my mind….man i am confused on this subject and goin through alot of hurt plz help

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