I’ve been in a relationship with a fantastic woman for just about a year. However, due to a recently self-diagnosed codependency issue on my part, I have been constantly demanding of her affection and time - basically taking up most of the emotional space, creating a real imbalance. After what seemed to me a wonderful xmas with her folks and romantic New Years getaway, followed by talk of moving in together, we had an argument brought on by her admitting to feeling uncomfortable about the proposed moving in. This led to a decision over the phone for us to have a weeklong break. This break went on for two weeks, with her making no contact with me whatsoever. I dropped off a couple of things at her house through the mail slot, but made no attempt to invite myself in. A few unacknowledged e-mails from me went by until finally I went to her house and, after her house-mate let me in, found her in the kitchen - where we went into each other’s arms. A long evening went by, with me pretty much dominating the conversation, blah blah blah. In the end, she said that the lack of pressure she felt through being together was virtually absent the last two weeks. She still needed time to reflect on what she wanted, saying that she could not put a timeframe on it - “It could take another two weeks, a month, six months. But what’s six months to a lifetime?” I told her that she was worth waiting for.

She took me out for my birthday the next week, attended my birthday party the following night, invited me to dinner at hers a couple of nights later (I responded to the message too late), went for dinner a week later, where some suggestive advances were made by her, with no follow-up - all with little to no communication in between the days. This lack of contact has been absolute hell for me, leading me to wonder if her interest will wane through non-togetherness to the point of disappearing altogether.

What can I do to reignite the love that I believe is there, yet respect her obvious need for space? How can there be shared intimacy with all this distance? Where’s the opportunity for growth? I am learning a great deal about the afore-mentioned codependency traits that exist in me (due to a dysfunctional family environment with an alcoholic father). But, after a number of failed relationships, I do believe that this woman is someone with whom I desire more than anything to grow with and truly open her heart. It’s just that I don’t trust these imposed absences and times apart, to not be wedges and impediments to the relationship as a whole.

Any advice more than welcome! Thank you.

Where I stand now, We live together and it is starting to feel like I have a roommate and not a girlfriend anymore not only that but sex is tossed out the window sometimes we go as lon as two weeks with out sex and then I have to do everything I can just to get some, she is not into physical affection at all and I have been trying to get her to adjust to the simple goodbye hello kisses but she does not see the need she also does not see the need to remind me she loves me and has feelings for me ever I am just to assume that which is fine if she is doing everything right, the problem is she hasnt hell she even cheated on me with her Ex-boyfriend and told me the only reason she went over that night is because she doubted our relationship, she never told me this hell she did not even lead on to the fact the she was doubting it then she comes home tells me what happend and said now I realioze I really do love you blah blah blah. Well why does she get to go out and test waters I feel like this is horrible unfair. I also think there is nothing wrong with asking for some extra I love being with you and this is a good relationship. every once in awhile and if he asks just tell him and he will eventually get the hint that you do love him/her and will quite asking.

“If this doesn’t work, you may have to let him go, as constantly reassuring someone of your faithfulness and love, especially when you are doing nothing wrong, is impossible to do without resentment.”

Why is it so wrong to ask for regular reassurances that you are loved? And how is that such a difficult thing to ask someone to do? Seems like, uh, the least someone can do for their partner. And I don’t think it is at all too much to ask of a human. Didn’t John Lennon say all you need is love? Some of these posts I read and think that love is a commodity that is only to be doled out sparingly, or rationed out to a person because they only deserve so much of it. Character flaws are one thing, but hell who isn’t insecure in this world and day? Nuclear bombs and chemical warfare… shit all us insecure people are asking for is an extra hug once in a while, lol.

Problem is nobody appreciates the little things they have and insecurities are magnified when a person feels that they are being taken for granted. Like they say it’s the little things. If your partner is asking for more attention, then do some more little things. It’s not going tokill you to be nicer. Heck it’s the basic foundation and single most important tenent of every single well known religion on Earth: Love one another. When in doubt, love them harder.

We take things out on them. We accuse them of our shortcomings. We make them the ones who cause the problems in the relationship because we want the reassurance of love. No betrayal. The whole world will fall apart if they can’t recieve their dose of it.The love coach is doing a great job but I too wanted to add my thoughts.

People hardly or even never change. If you love him, you need to accept that part of him. Some people enjoy their boyfriend to be jealous for them and some doesn’t.

Either way is your choice. When you start to be with anyone, you will notice everyone have their own problem. There are very few couples who love each other until their 60s.

These couples didn’t really survive through their relationships but actually enjoy it. They have different habits and personalities too. The only difference: Accept!

When you accept people, you can start to love them. You will not be upset about who they are and you enjoy being with them.