We Live Together, But He Won’t Get a Ring

in Dating Q & A,Marriage Q & A,Relationship Q & A,Singles Q & A

Q. Ana asks:

I am 29 years old and I have a bit of a dilemma. I have been with my boyfriend who is 27 years old, for almost 9 years we have lived together for almost 7 years of the 9 and we are not moving anywhere. My problem is that I am and have been ready to move to the next level and I do wish to marry him I do love him but he is just so stagnant. He is so comfortable in our relationship that he doesn’t want it to change and I do. He has no aspirations of any kind isn’t interesting in planning our lives together for the future. I’m 29 and these are thing I want us to start planning and I get nothing. I’m bored with him it’s like living with a roommate. We aren’t intimate at all, since the beginning of the year we have been intimate maybe 4 times that’s it.

I have had conversations with him explaining my issues and concerns and all I get is “I’m sorry I did not know you felt this way” then 2-3 weeks later back to the same old him. Now he has talked about marriage and we pretty much know what we want and have most of the plans for a wedding but his excuse is that he needs to save money for a ring. That excuse went out the window when he bought a $1200 laptop and gave no second thought to a ring. Why is that??

Please help I don’t know what to do, I am considering breaking it off. Our thoughts in life are moving in the opposite directions and we are loosing each other fast. Please help.

A. Love Coach Rinatta answers:

Ana, I would like to help, but this is a complicated situation that won’t lend itself to an easy response. Basically, you can’t make your boyfriend marry you if he doesn’t want to and you can’t make him be close to you if he doesn’t want to. The key is to figure out why he doesn’t want to, and then to see if there is something you can do to help him change his mind. If not, it may be time to move on. Do not manipulate him or force him. Ultimatums and manipulation can lead to a ring and even marriage, but you will dearly pay for it once you are married.

If you want help on how to save your relationship or at least yourself, I will gladly work with you in a Love Advice and Coaching session to help you come up with a plan of action.

From the Heart,
Love Coach Rinatta

Ready to ask your question? Click here to ask me!

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{ 53 comments }

Lsmith May 7, 2012 at 10:13 am

I have a similar problem with my current boyfriend. We have been together for almost 7 years living together for 4. We have talked about marriage etc and he said that he would propose. We looked for a ring a year ago and I found out that he got a ring about 6 months ago. He has not given it to me and to my knowledge has no plan to do so. If I hadn’t found out this information I think I would have broken things off by now. Theres nothing else wrong with our relationship and I think he is the one for me. However I’m so frustrated by this situation that I don’t know how long I can keep going. Our 7 year anniversary is in 3 months and we were planning a trip with friends around the same time If he dosen’t propose before or on the trip then its over. But I also don’t want to give him any more of my time. I don’t know weither I should book my tickets and hold out my last bit of hope or save the money to move out.

Leslie March 26, 2012 at 9:59 am

LADIES, I am happily married now! We did on the 5yr anniversary of our 1st date. Now were are house hunting and moving on! Woo hoo! Good luck to you all! I wish you all the best!

Leanne January 16, 2011 at 9:03 am

Hi everyone, well im 22 years old and have been with my boyfirend for a year and half now. He is 27 and he is Albanian. I love him so so much and he said he lves me to I aske him the other day if he would marry me and he said he wouldn’t because im still a girl and not a women and i dont understamd what he means by this? cn anyone help. He said im his dream girl for looks but thats it. What shall i do?

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