Comments on: We Live Together, But He Won’t Get a Ring http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/ Expert answers to your love and relationship questions from Love and Relationship Coach Rinatta Paries. Thu, 03 Jul 2008 23:32:42 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.5 By: David http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-948 David Tue, 13 May 2008 22:34:58 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-948 Stop crying & be glad you have someone. You guys have been together for 8+ years. Something is right if not you would of walked away a long time ago. Why is it that when things are great woman tend to go out of there way to mess it up. Stop worrying about the "Title", because thats all it is. Remember what scares men, that once married sex is an after thought with woman. As they say "how do you will kill a womans sex drive?.... wedding cake!" Stop crying & be glad you have someone. You guys have been together for 8+ years. Something is right if not you would of walked away a long time ago. Why is it that when things are great woman tend to go out of there way to mess it up. Stop worrying about the “Title”, because thats all it is. Remember what scares men, that once married sex is an after thought with woman. As they say “how do you will kill a womans sex drive?…. wedding cake!”

]]> By: Carol http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-239 Carol Wed, 02 Jan 2008 19:44:30 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-239 Dear 8&a half yrs: I feel for you. The excuses, the rationale...seems to be stalling things out. I got the same crap: I wanted it to be a surprise...so I didnt bring it up either (same as you)...and nothing happened. I am angry that he can refer to me as his fiance and then not ask me and say we are actually engaged. I dont much care for rings...but he swears he has to have one in order to ask. Some men are more intense about how they ask than we are..sometimes to the point that the perfection they have imagined in their head is imeasureable to what is really expected from their lady. To me, its not about how they ask but that they ask and follow through without a fantasy proposal they have in their head that they will likely never put into action. I dont like being "tried on" for wedding fitness sake by being called his fiance alternately being termed as his gf on a different day....to play house to see how it fits without the seriousness I expect. Being asked...well maybe I said yes too quickly because it stalled right after. Nothing happened. I dont like being misled and I am not a young woman...I know what I want out of life and its not to sit here worrying about what ifs and false starts the rest of my life. We arent promised tomorrow. No one is. I want to live and love without doubt and fear. Dear 8&a half yrs:

I feel for you. The excuses, the rationale…seems to be stalling things out. I got the same crap: I wanted it to be a surprise…so I didnt bring it up either (same as you)…and nothing happened. I am angry that he can refer to me as his fiance and then not ask me and say we are actually engaged. I dont much care for rings…but he swears he has to have one in order to ask.

Some men are more intense about how they ask than we are..sometimes to the point that the perfection they have imagined in their head is imeasureable to what is really expected from their lady. To me, its not about how they ask but that they ask and follow through without a fantasy proposal they have in their head that they will likely never put into action.
I dont like being “tried on” for wedding fitness sake by being called his fiance alternately being termed as his gf on a different day….to play house to see how it fits without the seriousness I expect.

Being asked…well maybe I said yes too quickly because it stalled right after. Nothing happened. I dont like being misled and I am not a young woman…I know what I want out of life and its not to sit here worrying about what ifs and false starts the rest of my life. We arent promised tomorrow. No one is. I want to live and love without doubt and fear.

]]> By: 8.5 years for me too! http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-240 8.5 years for me too! Thu, 27 Dec 2007 20:00:12 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-240 I am in a similar situation. My man and I have been dating for 8.5 years too (living together for 7.5 years). I don't feel like I have been waiting for a ring for the entire relationship like some women do (I wasn't all about marriage early on), but we are 31 now and in the past few years, I have realized I want a family and my baby making days are approaching (it is more expensive and more risky if you are over 35). He also feels that having a family is very important to him. I would prefer to be married before having kids. We are not ready to have kids yet, but I want to be prepared and feel like he should know if he wants to marry me by now anyway. A couple years ago, he said that he had some regrets about not being single longer after he was in college (we started dating right after we graduated from college). It really wasn't me that was pushing to be in a relationship initially. Even though I thought I was in love with him and had butterflies, etc. whenever I was around him, I was being realistic and wanted to call it a fling and go our separate ways (since we were going to be living in different states and long distance relationships are tough), so it was really his own decision to try to stay together initially, but obviously, he regrets it now. Well, we almost broke up over it when he told me about this a couple years ago because I obviously didn't want to force him to be with me if he felt like he didn't experience enough first, but I told him I couldn't just let him go have "experiences" with more women and let him come back to me later. If we were done, we were going to be done for good. He didn't last 8 hrs before he decided it was a mistake. I was pretty insecure for a while knowing he wanted to be with other women, but I thought we had improved over the past couple of years and had accepted the fact that men are men and know that's what most men think (they just don't typically have the balls to admit it to their girlfriends). I am human too-I sometimes imagine being with other men, but I don't think that means I shouldn't be with my man-we are just human and as long as we don't act on these urges, it is probably all right. Last year, he told me we would be engaged by Christmas this year. He told his friends that we were probably going to get married in Mexico on the beach in spring of 2008ish (we both like the idea of a destination wedding). When two of my other friends got engaged last year to be married in May (one is getting married in Mexico), those plans kind of got put on hold (plus he didn't propose anyway). I have talked to him about it a couple times throughout the year and he basically told me that I would ruin the surprise if I kept telling him that we need to set some goals and move forward with this marriage stuff. Well, on X-Mas, I told him I couldn't help but be disappointed that he hadn't proposed and didn't have plans to propose any time soon because he admitted he isn't ready yet. I reminded him that he did say that we would be engaged by this time last year, but he acted like he doesn't remember this. It is probably because I stopped talking to him about it because I didn't want to ruin this surprise he kept talking about. He always tries to turn it around on me and say that he didn't think I really wanted to marry him, but that is obviously not true and he knows how I feel. I ask him what is holding him back and he did tell me he still feels like he regrets not being single for a while before we had a relationship, but he says he loves me and does eventually want to marry me and doesn't want to break up and wouldn't cheat on me. He said he is happy with things being the way they are and he says he wouldn't mind having a kid and not being married. I told him that until he decides what he wants, he needs to stop telling our friends and family that we are going to get married on the beach, etc. because it is just not fair to me (or them). Even in November this year, he told some of my friends that he would probably be proposing by X-Mas this year, so my buddies called me the day after X-Mas wondering if I had news. Every time I run into his buddies, they ask if Joel has proposed since he talks about it to them and even they have the idea that he is going to. His mom and dad are also getting upset with him because it is not fair to keep me hanging (they just want him to decide) and called and yelled at him about it because they thought the reason they were getting luggage for a Christmas present from us was because we were implying we were going to get married on the beach soon! I had told them that that wasn't the reason and that they shouldn't get their hopes up so I probably caused the fight, but I am so sick of him making up stuff to fend off the "when are you getting married" questions. It's like he feels like if he lies to people, they will be happy and stop asking when we are going to get hitched. He said that he doesn't want to marry me because his dad called and yelled at him and he doesn't work with ultimatums. I told him that if fine, but he needs to realize that it isn't fair to me. I told him he needs to let me go if he didn't want to marry me because I am not getting any younger! I am starting to wonder if I am just being stupid. I feel like in my heart, I know I should end this relationship so he can have his fun with other chicks (he has only been with 4 people including me), but I definitely can't go back to him afterward, so it would be over forever. It feels like such a waste of 8.5+ years to end it, but maybe I just need to do it since he can't seem to progress and I am not getting any younger (not that I am too worried about finding other bachelors since there seems to be an overpopulation of young single guys in this town, but I know the single scene isn't all that fun and I wouldn't even know how to start...plus, I have my heart set on my man). I am in a similar situation. My man and I have been dating for 8.5 years too (living together for 7.5 years). I don’t feel like I have been waiting for a ring for the entire relationship like some women do (I wasn’t all about marriage early on), but we are 31 now and in the past few years, I have realized I want a family and my baby making days are approaching (it is more expensive and more risky if you are over 35). He also feels that having a family is very important to him. I would prefer to be married before having kids. We are not ready to have kids yet, but I want to be prepared and feel like he should know if he wants to marry me by now anyway.
A couple years ago, he said that he had some regrets about not being single longer after he was in college (we started dating right after we graduated from college). It really wasn’t me that was pushing to be in a relationship initially. Even though I thought I was in love with him and had butterflies, etc. whenever I was around him, I was being realistic and wanted to call it a fling and go our separate ways (since we were going to be living in different states and long distance relationships are tough), so it was really his own decision to try to stay together initially, but obviously, he regrets it now. Well, we almost broke up over it when he told me about this a couple years ago because I obviously didn’t want to force him to be with me if he felt like he didn’t experience enough first, but I told him I couldn’t just let him go have “experiences” with more women and let him come back to me later. If we were done, we were going to be done for good. He didn’t last 8 hrs before he decided it was a mistake. I was pretty insecure for a while knowing he wanted to be with other women, but I thought we had improved over the past couple of years and had accepted the fact that men are men and know that’s what most men think (they just don’t typically have the balls to admit it to their girlfriends). I am human too-I sometimes imagine being with other men, but I don’t think that means I shouldn’t be with my man-we are just human and as long as we don’t act on these urges, it is probably all right.
Last year, he told me we would be engaged by Christmas this year. He told his friends that we were probably going to get married in Mexico on the beach in spring of 2008ish (we both like the idea of a destination wedding). When two of my other friends got engaged last year to be married in May (one is getting married in Mexico), those plans kind of got put on hold (plus he didn’t propose anyway). I have talked to him about it a couple times throughout the year and he basically told me that I would ruin the surprise if I kept telling him that we need to set some goals and move forward with this marriage stuff. Well, on X-Mas, I told him I couldn’t help but be disappointed that he hadn’t proposed and didn’t have plans to propose any time soon because he admitted he isn’t ready yet. I reminded him that he did say that we would be engaged by this time last year, but he acted like he doesn’t remember this. It is probably because I stopped talking to him about it because I didn’t want to ruin this surprise he kept talking about. He always tries to turn it around on me and say that he didn’t think I really wanted to marry him, but that is obviously not true and he knows how I feel. I ask him what is holding him back and he did tell me he still feels like he regrets not being single for a while before we had a relationship, but he says he loves me and does eventually want to marry me and doesn’t want to break up and wouldn’t cheat on me. He said he is happy with things being the way they are and he says he wouldn’t mind having a kid and not being married. I told him that until he decides what he wants, he needs to stop telling our friends and family that we are going to get married on the beach, etc. because it is just not fair to me (or them). Even in November this year, he told some of my friends that he would probably be proposing by X-Mas this year, so my buddies called me the day after X-Mas wondering if I had news. Every time I run into his buddies, they ask if Joel has proposed since he talks about it to them and even they have the idea that he is going to. His mom and dad are also getting upset with him because it is not fair to keep me hanging (they just want him to decide) and called and yelled at him about it because they thought the reason they were getting luggage for a Christmas present from us was because we were implying we were going to get married on the beach soon! I had told them that that wasn’t the reason and that they shouldn’t get their hopes up so I probably caused the fight, but I am so sick of him making up stuff to fend off the “when are you getting married” questions. It’s like he feels like if he lies to people, they will be happy and stop asking when we are going to get hitched. He said that he doesn’t want to marry me because his dad called and yelled at him and he doesn’t work with ultimatums. I told him that if fine, but he needs to realize that it isn’t fair to me. I told him he needs to let me go if he didn’t want to marry me because I am not getting any younger!
I am starting to wonder if I am just being stupid. I feel like in my heart, I know I should end this relationship so he can have his fun with other chicks (he has only been with 4 people including me), but I definitely can’t go back to him afterward, so it would be over forever. It feels like such a waste of 8.5+ years to end it, but maybe I just need to do it since he can’t seem to progress and I am not getting any younger (not that I am too worried about finding other bachelors since there seems to be an overpopulation of young single guys in this town, but I know the single scene isn’t all that fun and I wouldn’t even know how to start…plus, I have my heart set on my man).

]]> By: carol http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-241 carol Thu, 27 Dec 2007 00:41:11 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-241 You ladies have it over on me in the marriage dept. My current love was married close to 20 yrs as was I. At first when we were together, he asked me to marry him on a daily basis...sort of like another reader that posted here. I thought it was kind of soon but after both of us knew what we wanted in love and had been married and are older, I thought maybe it was a possibility since we seemed well matched... ...we havent been together that long like some of the other ladies that wrote on this board. Nonetheless...after being asked daily (no ring) but talk about having wanted to marry me and claims to ask me on a certain holiday - and no ring when that holiday arrived (despite huge hints that was going to be the case), I felt stupid for keeping an open mind about him asking me and me even considering it. I guess had I not been set up to believe he was going to ask me on said holiday, with a RING, then I felt really damned stupid for thinking it could be real when that day came and went. I felt like I had been led on and lied to. It really bothered me because he would say things all the damned time about me being his wife...I guess in SPIRIT since I am attentive like he would like a wife to be. But someone said here...why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I agree. I feel like an idiot now that I thought he really saw me as a future wife. We do not live together. He mentioned many times how he wanted to live in the same place and asked what he should do with his place if we did. Well I finally called his bluff and invited him to move in. He seemed to be shocked and didnt think I would even consider it. Needless to say, that conversation died off and he never moved in. Hasnt brought it up again except to say we should spend more time together. Not for lack of trying. He seems to spend a lot of time tired, sleeping after work or sick. Or so he says. I never know what to expect : will I see him...will he be too tired, too sick...whatever the situation is. I never know what to think these days. Had he not told me he was GOING to propose to me properly on the holiday, I would never have felt so badly. I feel so lied to and not worth it to him. I got him a ring in kind. When I gave it to him after I realized he wasnt going to propose..I just played it off as no bog deal. But it is. I felt a catch in my throat and wanted to dissapear. All day today he has referred to me as his girlfriend and I hate that term. He knows this. He referred to me as his fiance over the wkend...and yet no ring, no proposal. The mixed signals are maddening. And tonight I thought we would be hanging out only to hear he has something to do with paperwork at home all of the sudden. We both have older kids...both of us are in our early 40's. Our kids are in their late teens, except for his...his doesnt live with him and is 14. Im tired of being open to him because it doesnt seem to be met the same way. I kept an open mind with his expediency on the topic but now I think its all smoke and mirrors and dreaming on his part. Im starting to think he should have stayed with his ex since he says one thing yet reticent about moving on though he brings it up. You ladies have it over on me in the marriage dept. My current love was married close to 20 yrs as was I.

At first when we were together, he asked me to marry him on a daily basis…sort of like another reader that posted here. I thought it was kind of soon but after both of us knew what we wanted in love and had been married and are older, I thought maybe it was a possibility since we seemed well matched…

…we havent been together that long like some of the other ladies that wrote on this board. Nonetheless…after being asked daily (no ring) but talk about having wanted to marry me and claims to ask me on a certain holiday

- and no ring when that holiday arrived (despite huge hints that was going to be the case), I felt stupid for keeping an open mind about him asking me and me even considering it. I guess had I not been set up to believe he was going to ask me on said holiday, with a RING, then I felt really damned stupid for thinking it could be real when that day came and went. I felt like I had been led on and lied to. It really bothered me because he would say things all the damned time about me being his wife…I guess in SPIRIT since I am attentive like he would like a wife to be. But someone said here…why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? I agree. I feel like an idiot now that I thought he really saw me as a future wife.

We do not live together. He mentioned many times how he wanted to live in the same place and asked what he should do with his place if we did. Well I finally called his bluff and invited him to move in. He seemed to be shocked and didnt think I would even consider it. Needless to say, that conversation died off and he never moved in. Hasnt brought it up again except to say we should spend more time together. Not for lack of trying. He seems to spend a lot of time tired, sleeping after work or sick. Or so he says. I never know what to expect : will I see him…will he be too tired, too sick…whatever the situation is. I never know what to think these days.

Had he not told me he was GOING to propose to me properly on the holiday, I would never have felt so badly. I feel so lied to and not worth it to him. I got him a ring in kind. When I gave it to him after I realized he wasnt going to propose..I just played it off as no bog deal. But it is. I felt a catch in my throat and wanted to dissapear. All day today he has referred to me as his girlfriend and I hate that term. He knows this. He referred to me as his fiance over the wkend…and yet no ring, no proposal. The mixed signals are maddening. And tonight I thought we would be hanging out only to hear he has something to do with paperwork at home all of the sudden.

We both have older kids…both of us are in our early 40’s. Our kids are in their late teens, except for his…his doesnt live with him and is 14.

Im tired of being open to him because it doesnt seem to be met the same way. I kept an open mind with his expediency on the topic but now I think its all smoke and mirrors and dreaming on his part. Im starting to think he should have stayed with his ex since he says one thing yet reticent about moving on though he brings it up.

]]> By: Mary http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-242 Mary Tue, 27 Nov 2007 22:18:00 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-242 I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, going on 5 years this coming April. We have lived together for about 4 years & we are both 27 years old. I feel that I was immature when we moved in together trying to escape my old life for something new and exciting. We were very much in love at the time and we now work together with his family owned business. I moved miles & miles away from my family to be with him and miss them so much now. He has not yet popped the question, we do talk about it but see no results. We have bought a home together, well lease to buy, and his excuse now is that he has no money for a ring. He does seem to have money for other things which I do not feel are as important as a ring. Yes I know we should have waited to by a house and I wish we never moved in together. I am starting to think that he is not serious about us. But then I think "Why the hell did we get into this house deal together"? I have lost faith in him and I am seriously thinking about leaving. Why should I stay here miserable? I am missing my family so much. It makes me sad to know that I am spending more time with his family then mine, what was I thinking?!! I have been with my boyfriend for 4 1/2 years, going on 5 years this coming April. We have lived together for about 4 years & we are both 27 years old. I feel that I was immature when we moved in together trying to escape my old life for something new and exciting. We were very much in love at the time and we now work together with his family owned business. I moved miles & miles away from my family to be with him and miss them so much now. He has not yet popped the question, we do talk about it but see no results. We have bought a home together, well lease to buy, and his excuse now is that he has no money for a ring. He does seem to have money for other things which I do not feel are as important as a ring. Yes I know we should have waited to by a house and I wish we never moved in together. I am starting to think that he is not serious about us. But then I think “Why the hell did we get into this house deal together”? I have lost faith in him and I am seriously thinking about leaving. Why should I stay here miserable? I am missing my family so much. It makes me sad to know that I am spending more time with his family then mine, what was I thinking?!!

]]> By: Ms. Lark http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-243 Ms. Lark Fri, 16 Nov 2007 00:07:05 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-243 I have been living with my boyfriend for 10 years maybe more. He does not want to marry me. He gives me mixed signals. He wants all the things that a wife does but no marriage. Sometimes I think he does want to marry me. When I ask him, he say's we can't get married, our spouses are not dead. This tale is dead!!!!!!!!!!!He tries the Bibical thing on me.....But not when it's time for indulging. We both been married before; me one year and I lived with my X before I married him...I practically made him marry me.. I believe the man I love been married for only six months. I have two children and he helps me with them and I believe he loves them conditionally. He has no children of his own. We are in our fifties. I am lonely, I love him, and don't know what to do. I desire to leave, but not financially stable. He pays the utilities such as rent, light bill and water, we spilt food. Maybe he feels he's taking care of me. I pay all of my personnel bills. Each passing day, I long for something..........marriage. I am getting depressed. I don't know what to do. I am a leader in my church and I feel the eyes are on me because I am shacking up.(people knows).... I have written him a letter explaining my circumstances and my love to him and he never answered or came to talk to me about it. We go out together places, attend gatherings and everything else as an married couple, but not married. what do I do leave him? I believe he loves me or he would not put up with me. email me, please I have been living with my boyfriend for 10 years maybe more. He does not want to marry me. He gives me mixed signals. He wants all the things that a wife does but no marriage. Sometimes I think he does want to marry me. When I ask him, he say’s we can’t get married, our spouses are not dead. This tale is dead!!!!!!!!!!!He tries the Bibical thing on me…..But not when it’s time for indulging. We both been married before; me one year and I lived with my X before I married him…I practically made him marry me.. I believe the man I love been married for only six months.
I have two children and he helps me with them and I believe he loves them conditionally. He has no children of his own. We are in our fifties. I am lonely, I love him, and don’t know what to do. I desire to leave, but not financially stable. He pays the utilities such as rent, light bill and water, we spilt food. Maybe he feels he’s taking care of me. I pay all of my personnel bills.

Each passing day, I long for something……….marriage. I am getting depressed. I don’t know what to do. I am a leader in my church and I feel the eyes are on me because I am shacking up.(people knows)…. I have written him a letter explaining my circumstances and my love to him and he never answered or came to talk to me about it. We go out together places, attend gatherings and everything else as an married couple, but not married. what do I do leave him? I believe he loves me or he would not put up with me. email me, please

]]> By: samehere http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-244 samehere Sun, 11 Nov 2007 19:36:24 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-244 I understand where you are coming from. I have been with my guy for over 5 years - I am 29 he is 30. We own a house together, we live together and have a small business together. Everything is great between us --- except I feel like I am begining to resent him. He talks about marriage, he talks about kids and we both seem to want the same thing - but he never makes a move. I asked him over a year ago - to not speak about it or make plans unless he is serious. He jokes preposing on a weekly basis --- but never really does it. Now I debate - do I leave? I have told him how I felt. We love each other and life together is great...but I think marriage and a family is so important to me and the direction I want to take in life. I don't believe him anymore and feel although I have lost a little respect for him. This is so tough....please let me know what you do. I understand where you are coming from.
I have been with my guy for over 5 years - I am 29 he is 30. We own a house together, we live together and have a small business together. Everything is great between us — except I feel like I am begining to resent him. He talks about marriage, he talks about kids and we both seem to want the same thing - but he never makes a move. I asked him over a year ago - to not speak about it or make plans unless he is serious. He jokes preposing on a weekly basis — but never really does it. Now I debate - do I leave? I have told him how I felt. We love each other and life together is great…but I think marriage and a family is so important to me and the direction I want to take in life. I don’t believe him anymore and feel although I have lost a little respect for him. This is so tough….please let me know what you do.

]]> By: Nadia http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-245 Nadia Tue, 16 Oct 2007 01:13:46 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-245 My mom and grandma always says why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Value yoursef and he will value you. And if he doesn't value you enough to ask you to marry him then stop wasting your time and be open to the person who really appreciates you and want to give you what you deserve. Best wishes. I know its hard to start over and to be alone been there done that but I have proven that when you value yourself they will too and he will either come runnig when he realizes what he lost or he wont and you will find a better who is ready for mature love and committment. My mom and grandma always says why buy the cow when you get the milk for free. Value yoursef and he will value you. And if he doesn’t value you enough to ask you to marry him then stop wasting your time and be open to the person who really appreciates you and want to give you what you deserve. Best wishes. I know its hard to start over and to be alone been there done that but I have proven that when you value yourself they will too and he will either come runnig when he realizes what he lost or he wont and you will find a better who is ready for mature love and committment.

]]> By: Sandie http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-257 Sandie Mon, 05 Feb 2007 22:37:00 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-257 I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. For all extensice purposes, we are married. We have lived together for only two years now. I have pushed for marriage for the past three years. We are moving at snail pase, but moving nonetheless. He wants the things that a wife provides, but isn't willing to make that step. I made a mental time clock, if he doesn't AT LEAST pop the question by our 10th anniversary (this october), i am giving him his walking papers. It hurts me to even think of it, but I (and you) deserve more than this. If you are strong enough to walk away, he will realize what he lost in you (if you were taking care of business). Who knows, you may be happier. I have been with my boyfriend for 9 years. For all extensice purposes, we are married. We have lived together for only two years now. I have pushed for marriage for the past three years. We are moving at snail pase, but moving nonetheless. He wants the things that a wife provides, but isn’t willing to make that step. I made a mental time clock, if he doesn’t AT LEAST pop the question by our 10th anniversary (this october), i am giving him his walking papers. It hurts me to even think of it, but I (and you) deserve more than this. If you are strong enough to walk away, he will realize what he lost in you (if you were taking care of business). Who knows, you may be happier.

]]> By: Kristi http://www.asklovecoach.com/no_ring/#comment-258 Kristi Sat, 21 Oct 2006 21:33:46 +0000 http://www.asklovecoach.com/?p=19#comment-258 I read your story, and instead of focusing on your live in boyfriend, let's focus on what you want. What would change if you married your boyfriend? Would you have children? Would you make a financial commitment? Would your relationship with him change in other ways too? Instead of asking him to marry you, why not consider asking him for the things that you think a marriage will bring? And, then, tell him why a marriage is important to you. For example, you tell him that you want children and want the children to grow up with a mother and a father who love them and who are committed not just to one another but to the children too. If he hesitates, delays or says that he doesn't want children, if that's what you want, I recommend you make plans to move out. You will find another man who wants children and a family and who will marry you. This man may remain a bachelor forever or worse leave you some day when you're even older. Cut the ties and go get what you want!! You'll be so happy you did. I read your story, and instead of focusing on your live in boyfriend, let’s focus on what you want. What would change if you married your boyfriend? Would you have children? Would you make a financial commitment? Would your relationship with him change in other ways too? Instead of asking him to marry you, why not consider asking him for the things that you think a marriage will bring? And, then, tell him why a marriage is important to you.

For example, you tell him that you want children and want the children to grow up with a mother and a father who love them and who are committed not just to one another but to the children too. If he hesitates, delays or says that he doesn’t want children, if that’s what you want, I recommend you make plans to move out. You will find another man who wants children and a family and who will marry you. This man may remain a bachelor forever or worse leave you some day when you’re even older. Cut the ties and go get what you want!! You’ll be so happy you did.

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