Ask Love Coach

Q: Bett asks:

My two-year relationship with a man who is 15 years my senior has just ended. I have struggled for over a year with his inability to commit to me and his ongoing relationship with his ex-wife. Due to his having an affair throughout their 14 year marriage, he has developed a relationship with her that is based on dependence, guilt and obligation. He spends holidays, many family occasions, and some vacations with her and their college age children. It’s almost as if they are still married, yet he had this intimate relationship with me which the children and ex-wife were aware of. Was it unrealistic for me to expect that I was to be an important relationship in his life and to expect that he would respect my needs to be a priority? I was respectful of his relationship with his children, but the way it was set up was his ex-wife orchestrated the children’s lives and he just joined in as if they were still an intact family. I had many a sleepless night over this situation, until I could not stand to be the "other woman" any longer. Do you have any thoughts or experience with this type of relationship?

A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:

Bett, some people are
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Q: Susan asks:

I have been dating a man for the past 4 months. We are both in our mid 40’s and he has never been married, I am divorced with three school age children.  He calls me at least 4 times a day, yet won’t commit to even an exclusive relationship.  It hurts me because a few nights he doesn’t call signals to me that he is likely on a date.  When he calls on the phone, he is much more intimate, and affectionate than in person.  he also makes comments as if we have a future, yet again, he will not commit.  I continue to casually date others, but I am afraid I am falling for this man and am going to get burned. What do I do?

A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:

Susan, you are headed for a heartbreak and you know it!

I wish I could reach through the computer and pull you back from the cliff you are headed down.

I know this will sound like a sales pitch, but it is not. I genuinely belive that you need to read one of my eCourses, ASAP, before you loose yourself.  I think it might save you, where nothing else will. The ecourse is called How Not to Blow It in a New Relationship.

I very much hope you do this for yourself, your heart and your sanity.

Q: Lauren asks:

You will tell by the time you finish reading this that I am deeply troubled with my relationship.  My man is in a band and I am a nanny . . . talk about different lifestyles.  For a long time now, we have been living together and I pay for about 75% of the financial responsibilities, sometimes leaving no spend $ for myself.  I have been pleading with him to do more romantic things like dinner, vacation, or a simple gesture other than just being home early enough to physically lay beside me.  He claims that these things aren’t possible without money and he gets defensive.  He says that once he’s successful things will change.  Am I asking too much?  How long do I wait for things to change?

A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:
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Q: RR asks:

I have started a romantic affair with my next-door neighbor. We both are very fond of each other. We were friends a couple of months before we started kissing. Now we are getting close to having sex. I am completely love sick. I was so confident, but now that I have feelings for her, I feel insecure. I know her and I would have a great relationship. How could I get past this insecure feeling and let this relationship flourish?

A: Love Coach Rinatta answers:

RR, space and time away will make you more grounded and strong again. Often in relationships
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