Expert answers to your love and relationship questions from Love and Relationship Coach Rinatta.
My turn to ask you a question, dear reader. Please leave your answer in the comments below.
What would you like to know MOST about how to – attract a new or re-mold the old – relationship you have always wanted?
Thanks for your thoughts!
From the Heart,
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{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Having read various websites over this weekend, I have come to the conclusion that if you work on yourself it will make the guys in your life re-think. But the problem I have is that I want my ex to see and feel that I’m different from last time and different from the on/off girlfriend he has at moment (apparently more off but could it be he is a work alcoholic and finds commitments frightening). Unfortunately we both share some common traits – 3 divorces and wondering if we will ever be able to settle? If you cant can someone call me vet please as I may need to be put down! LOL!
I had this discussion with some friends recently. People are AFRAID of getting involved and then HURT like they think a commitment is a hurtful thing. Getting to know someone always takes work and MEN and some women are really lazy about that–jump right into bed and call it a relations;hip. In general, I think people just don’t get deep in thier communications or relationships like years ago. They might be sneaky or have a double life. People can easily ignore or cut off others (no explanation) in dating and this also hurts. so, they keep it lite, well, maybe FRIENDS with benefits as you said.
So, we want to know how to provide a SAFE environment so people have the courage to trust you and how to be trustworthy in return.
OK, so when you find out your boyfriend is lying and cheating or calling up his EX, that’s a big deal breaker!
It’s not commitment phobia, it’s just laziness.
wat i wud like to know most about a new relationship is that why guys hav got this commitment phobia, i mean they want a friend with all the physical comfort but want to keep it just that way, y are they just not into commiting to the girl, n yes i want someone to b committed dat i make d same mistake again n again with another guy, n rest i agree with rivka as told above…….n want to knw d same, how to make someone to b committed to u
Responding to your question about what I would like to know “most” about how to remold the old or attract new—
I would like to know this….
Why is it that we women KNOW about, complain about and cannot live with a guy’s characteristic or ideosyncratic behavior, yet after the break up, we rationalize that it wasn’t that bad? OR, when we KNOW that we don’t like, (for example) the ex boyfriend’s laziness, and see it as a lack of ability to “take charge” of his life, we see it again in the next guy, and once again, rationalize it as “well, it’s not laziness, he’s just a free thinker and more spontaneous than uptight”.
We (ok, I) want it to be right so badly, we tend to make the same choices and mistakes over and over. I’ve read that book “women who love too much” and though it’s seems a bit Freudian in thought, I agree with the findings that we seek what is comfortable to us, good or bad. How do we become more courageous enough to say “no…he is a great guy EXCEPT this thing that you KNOW will be a problem down the road”.
thanks.
rivka