Q: Lauren asks:
You will tell by the time you finish reading this that I am deeply troubled with my relationship. My man is in a band and I am a nanny . . . talk about different lifestyles. For a long time now, we have been living together and I pay for about 75% of the financial responsibilities, sometimes leaving no spend $ for myself. I have been pleading with him to do more romantic things like dinner, vacation, or a simple gesture other than just being home early enough to physically lay beside me. He claims that these things aren’t possible without money and he gets defensive. He says that once he’s successful things will change. Am I asking too much? How long do I wait for things to change?
A: Love Coach Rinatta Paries answers:
Lauren, waiting for things to change or pleading for them to change will not make them, or him, change. Change in a relationship and in partner is possible, but you have to know what to do, and that has nothing to do with pleading or waiting. On the other hand, it also has nothing to do with manipulation. Start by deciding what you want and making sure that you have it as much as possible by providing it for yourself.
From the Heart,
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Change is constant, but requires time. If you are patient enough, then you can still hope for change to happen. It is unfortunate that some things that our partners have are not really what we wanted. This reason makes us dream of change. Perhaps the thing to do is not to pressure him. He might feel so inclined and might end up losing hope. Just wait for things to happen and hope for the better. In a romantic relationship, changes will surely happen.
Again, I would listen to Rinatta’s comment. The moment I read your story Lauren, I related to it! For about 2 years I was also traped in a relationship where I wanted things to change. Even today I soemtimes wonder if whether I had have been more pattient things would have changed but you know what, the more patient I had been the longer it would have taken me to refind myself and pursue the things I wanted and which he far from being able to give at the time. We truly are responsible for our own lives, Lauren
What defines successful in his situation? It may or may not happen. It’s not worth wasting your love, time and money to find out if he doesn’t try and be there for you today. I’ve been there. I was with my then boyfriend, a musician, for six years. We had a child and got married. Through all of this he never realized how to be there for us. I was the breadwinner which isn’t necessarily a bad thing except he didn’t appreciate anything I did, and expected so much from me without giving anything in return. We got divorced.He’s still doing the same gigs he always was, and by the way, is very talented and great at what he does, but that doesn’t guarantee success. Just being together would’ve been enough. If he can’t even handle that, you should move on.